Monday: worst "autism-symptomatic" day EVER. Jojo literally kicked, slapped and head banged everything he could that day. I still cant figure it out so my best shot at trying to figure a "trigger" is a slice of cheese pizza. I even took off nearly all the cheese, but I really think it was gluten overload. Gosh even typing that feels so odd, 10 months ago I was the OMG mom..Like omg who goes all gluten free? who buys all organic, who would keep a food diary..who does that? ME! I have too. Its the simple little things that cause his stimming (ear flapping, repetitive sounds) and melt downs. His belly cant digest certain food correctly so he gets pain, real pain. The sad thing is that its a hit n miss game. I tend to just stick to what I know but he is now 25 months, he need more of everything ie..protein, fats, minerals, omega3..all the good stuff and I cant even give my boy a banana. Ok back to my Rant, Monday down right by all means sucked!! He was really hurting himself. I tried it all, bear hugging, swaddling (yup YOU try and swaddle a 30lb toddler with the strength of a sumo wrestler) and water play, he took three baths that day just so I could put him down, the last bath, probably for a long time consisted of him trying to roll over face first and eat the tub, yup he don't care that he scares me because, well he doesn't feel scared himself.. ok I will spare you the rest of Monday.
Tuesday: Therapy day whooo freaking hooo, more stress for the lil guy so I of course get him all dolled up and have my house perfect and then right before session starts, I get a cancellation text. Ok I can understand we will do what I have been trained to do thus far. We did some shape sorting, stickers, played with his sensory beans, fed him lunch, and awaited speech therapy, well she came late, but came ready to work! I really like her style and dedication to my sons journey. She spent 90 minutes with him and by the end of session I knew how to properly use a DnZ vibe oral motor tool. Jojo liked this so it gave me a sense of hope for articulation to start once his stimming and sensory stuff calms down. He even chanted mamamama a few times. Now even though he doesn't direct them to me, I know my baby means me when he says it, right?
Wednesday: My therapy day, my hour away to learn coping skills and just talk and vent and a "feel great when I am done" kinda visit. This went well, the hubby came with me and that was supercool. we snuck to lunch and just had a great morning. Looking back, guess now I could properly refer to it as the calm before the storm!!! After we got home the hubby left for work and it just started. Pure madness, it didn't matter what we did he got pissed. At one point he pinched my arm and bit my boob so hard im bruised. I was shocked and sad to the point of crying and just took him to his safe zone (his crib) and laid him down for a quiet time. He seemed quiet so I told my 15 yr old to keep an ear out while I ran to grab a quick dinner to prepare (at this point something all ready cooked would have been a better idea). When I got back it was all quiet and then I hear a squawk (yup like a bird) and I run to the room and holy shit balls, he had busted through his crib railing. It broke the entire heirloom crib. The frame was cracked and he was sitting on the corner nightstand looking pretty please with himself. I screamed and cried in absolute disbelief! How could just a cute lil boy be to strong willed and downright angry? The night ended with crib torn apart in the garage and his mattress on the floor.
Thursday: I had my first major, "I don't think I can do this" type of breakdown. The crib, the long term care, the therapy being cancelled all just set me into a frenzy. I felt defeated and like Autism won, it kicked my ass. I cried for hours though the day it was awful.. my eyes still hurt. despite the bad day I feel like it was bound to happen and it needed to happen. I am pissed and hurt that my son has autism. I am still learning about what it all means. I read a ton of books and this has probably overloaded my mind with both the good and bad of autism. I am hoping and praying always for a better day!!
